(This blog was originally written for LifeSurfer in 2015/2016)
Sometimes you meet someone and you reckognise a part of yourself within the other. I had the same with Lisa Cybaniak. Lisa is a survivor of 10 years of physical, psychological and sexual abuse, by her ex step-father. She is a motivational speaker and blogger, helping shed the stigma of being abused. She is the founder of Lifelikeyoumeanit.com, dedicated to helping survivors of abuse survive well, having the life they deserve.
Although our past isn’t exactly the same, we do have many similarities in our story, but most of all, we do understand eachother’s emotions, opinions and experiences very well. So we decided to collaborate with eachother and we are both very enthusiastic about that. Today I am going to share one of her blogposts. She named this blogpost: 12 Positive Intentions to become a Survivor, and I believe that it will be a helpful post for you all.
Living through any trauma is difficult, no matter your age. Living through child abuse has tremendous challenges. It is not just about surviving; it is about surviving well, about being a survivor.
What is the difference? One is living as a victim of the abuse, while the other, a survivor.
A victim means you are still alive, just getting by. Perhaps you are functioning as an adult, with a job, friends and even a family of your own, but many of your relationships are unhealthy. It also means you are carrying the abuse with you every day, allowing yourself to relive it regularly. You are holding yourself back from having the life you truly deserve because deep down, you don’t believe you deserve it. If you truly feel you don’t deserve better, you will always hold yourself back. This includes your recovery.
Things happen to you. People go out of their way to upset you, or make things difficult for you – at least that is what you think. You are a victim of life, and you perceive everything in this way.
What is the problem with being the victim? Well, all things in this world vibrate within a certain frequency, including you AND your thoughts. Vibrating with negative thoughts will continue to attract negative thoughts. You’ll surround yourself with predominantly negative people, which will make you feel safe and give you a sense of acceptance. Nothing will change. As you continue to live with this victim mentality, you will get ever more disappointed with the struggles you have in life, feeding back to the negative mentality.
Living as a survivor means you accept the abuse and recognise that it has made you who you are today – a survivor. Yes, you were treated shamefully, but you survived it! You recognise that people who treat you poorly have a problem with themselves, not you. As I say, ‘That’s a you problem, not a me problem’. You know they are not sitting around in the evening, plotting the best way to hurt you. They are dealing with their own issues, and poorly. It has nothing to do with you. Even your abuser did not decide that you deserved to be treated that way. He or she was dealing with their own mess, in a horrible way. If you were not there, someone else would have taken your place. It was not about you.
You are proud of your accomplishments, including your ability to have a career and healthy relationships. You know your road to recovery is ongoing and welcome the chance for growth. You are vibrating with positive thoughts, always looking for the silver lining. This vibration is at a different frequency from the victim vibration, so you will attract other positive thinkers, which will support you in your journey to be the best, and have the best life you possibly can.
Shifting from Victim to Survivor
How do you shift from victim to survivor? Positive intentions are a great and simple way to begin shifting your mentality. You can begin by using one intention per day, repeating it while you get ready for your day. Eventually, you can branch out to finding time to meditate each day on several intentions. If you have instantly giggled at the thought of ‘finding time’ each day, then I’ll gently remind you that shifting your mind set begins with you. You are worth it, and you deserve this. People always make time for the things they want to do…
Here are 12 Positive Intentions that worked for me:
- I am a strong, vibrant man/woman who deserves the best life has to offer.
- I see the beauty in every part of my day, wherever I am and whomever I’m with.
- I feel safe and secure in my life. I will approach new experiences today secure in this knowledge.
- I have survived my past and am proud of my accomplishments. I honour past accomplishments and recognise new ones as they occur.
- I am worthy of success and abundance.
- I will recognise opportunities to grow, and take them!
- I surround myself with positive, supportive and loving people who mirror my own intentions.
- I am in control of my actions and reactions. I act and react in ways that will serve my highest good.
- I will take time to honour myself today.
- I allow myself to move forward today, and am open to seeing new ways to do so.
- I will find humour in my day, and appreciate each of those moments.
- I will remain positive today, allowing myself to flourish with positive thoughts and experiences.
These are all suggestions to get you started. As you begin with these intentions, you will gain the confidence to adjust them, and add to the list, to suit your needs. This is just a step along a path to shifting your mentality.
Want to know more about Lisa?
Go to her website www.lifelikeyoumeanit.com for more information on the wide range of services Lisa offers.